Grief in its Many Forms; 3 Ways to Grieve Well
Grief is natural. Healthy. Necessary. Our society encourages us to overcome it, be strong through it, and find joy in spite of it. Give yourself time and the space needed to grieve and grieve well.
Do I know how to grieve well? What does that mean?
Immediately following the death of a loved one, the heartache of infertility, a miscarriage, loss of a job, or going through a divorce life is challenging and seemingly non existent. Grief changes every aspect of life. Including the way your body is functioning (appetite, sleep, digestion, memory loss, attention span, etc.). Giving yourself time, grace, and space to process is important and necessary. You are not crazy. Your brain is just processing and it will take time to get back in order.
Show Yourself Kindness
The memorial, burial, immediate gathering of family and friends is only the beginning of grief. Allow yourself time by establishing trust within yourself that you will take care of you. If you need to lay in bed a little longer and put off grocery shopping, do it. If there is a social engagement you are not ready for and absolutely dreading, cancel. When a memory, article of clothing, song, smell causes tears to well up and pour out, grab a blanket and hunker down in that moment. There is no place for “you should” or “you need to”. Be for yourself a loving, caring, and compassionate friend. Be kind to yourself. Kindness is self care.
Give Yourself Permission to…
Fill in the blank. What is it you need? What will help lift the unbearable weight of everyday details?
-Groceries delivered? Call a friend and ask or access one of the many services available. -A good night of sleep? Talk to your doctor about a sleep aid. Sleep deprivation will only heighten and intensify your pain and decrease your functioning. Short term sleep aid use will not be detrimental.
-Meals? Eat simple. Eat to be healthy. Get in the basic nutrients and do not force yourself to fix full meals.
-Help with the kids or pets for a day or the weekend? Call a friend or family member. They want to help.
-Show emotion without holding back? Write it out, draw, paint, put on your sports shoes and go play/run/throw a ball. Create and be expressive in ways that help. Give yourself an outlet.
Be Free in Your Grief Without Judgment
Emotions are part of who we are as human beings. Allow yourself to freely experience and express them as they show up. Jesus will meet you in each one. Anger, sadness, loneliness, confusion, fear, heartache, longing, worry, etc. Jesus felt each one in his earthly journey and is able to walk with you in yours. Reach out to him in prayer, read scripture, engage in a meditation, listen to music, whatever is helpful in acknowledging each emotion and letting it exist without judgment. Be free in the love of Jesus knowing he embraces you exactly as you are.
In grief, you have to take care of yourself first, like the airplane oxygen mask. When the outside world insists you do things their way, be fierce about taking care of yourself. When it is your own mind rising up against you, go to Jesus. Ask for help to love yourself as he loves you with understanding and acceptance, fully embracing every detail with care.
If you feel you would benefit from speaking to a counselor; we are here to help.
